My heart physically hurts now.EEEE. Dun know why.
*********************************************
3am this morning. I smsed "her" to tell her something.Haha. But no service available so dear friend if you read this.... >< you know im talking about you lo. Not that i don't or can't sleep. Well i had a nightmare of someone. And it leaves me awake with a heavy heart T_T
I realized i can't do what i said. Funny that my heart, brain and hands work separately. emotions, logic and desire. >< Haha... Louis ..
I love blogging. Blog out every moment i have, i can. I read em too. Below are my regulars. XD
http://food-hungry.blogspot.com/
This belongs to Jestina. My fav one and why? Cos it's all about eating out in Brunei. Having to stay in Brunei for so long. I truely must say that i rarely go out to eat. Even hang out with friends or so cos... well parents. most classy i been to is Empire Hotel there to have international class food. Others just had festival dinner at grandma's home. Love her blog cos she just opened up my eyes that how special the food in brunei can be... In some sense la.
http://joreenaintcrazy.blogspot.com/
This belongs to Joreen. My godsis in spore. Sweet girl and her blog makes me really envious in some sense. Love to read her life progress ^^ Hope shes happy and will give birth smoothly.
http://storyofmeandyou.blogspot.com/
Ka-tip. Since i first saw him shave his head in Lower six Lit class and nicked named "syaitan" by Mr Jones. haha. I must say he got the sexist bald head around. He looks better without his hair growing you know. Ahem bout his blog... he didn't update regularly but it's still fun to read.
http://santo-diablo.blogspot.com/
Alexander Wira Pori. Did i get his name right? >< He just blogged not long ago and well i love what he posts. Esp those pictures XD
http://thegnoel.blogspot.com/ and http://wackychineseboy.blogspot.com/
Kwan Wee Leong and Wong Kuan Lee. Did i get their name right? First two st. andrews to invade SMMG when i was in form 4. Knew met in pri one and leong since then. Leongs blog was a laugh and he taught me a lot. Haha. Metis one is neat and his skills in photography are... grrr.. im jealous. Haha..
A few of my friends ask me what i am going to do after i graduate. Go back Brunei, stay or somewhere else. Well personally i am not really sure yet cos there are a lot of factors that influence my move. Money, family, love, self-interest and performance.
Though the future is unpredictable regardless of what decisions we made. Well at least i planned how things MAY be then. . .
1) After graduate. Go back Brunei to work. Thats what i thought when i first came here. Money is good and in 6 months i can buy a lot of things XD. in 2 years. I would travel to somewhere far...
2)Stay in KL for 2 years then go back Brunei. Then my pay will be higher. Muahaha.
3)Depends if i got a gf or not and if she is willing to go back to Brunei with me. To be decided in the future. Haha...
4) Depends if a miracle ( kena jackpot ) happen to my family. If im still single. I'll go to S.Korea and teach.
5)If kena jackpot... i'll travel around and help people. ^^ Bring my baby around.
6)Stay in Malaysia for life. I may if circumstances allow...
Like i said. It's unpredictable. At least i planned for my future ^^
Was browsing some photos of my friends..
Envious...
Jealous... :(
Wonder why should i bother...
*shoots myself*
Week one of this sem just ended. The teachers were great except a few. Most worrying one is the last lecturer we had. One of our lecturers was pretty old and i worry a lot that how is he going to teach us and would he suddenly drop down of heart attack. Yes im mean but i am sure that the rest of us have problems with that lecturer too.
How were things lately? A lot of challenge to be diffused. So much to worry and so much to tackle. There wasn't a choice at times and situation put into a mode where i hate what i may going to be. Argh
Im sad.
Im angry.
Im excited.
My results weren't that good. But i am sure im going to farewell.
Well i was suppose to last sem but somehow a lot sucked last sem.
Tough is the road that i am going to journey.
My second trip to Ming Tian. XD
On the table there was
Fung: Starfruit juice, curry noodle and shark fin soup
De you: Sizzling hot noodle and tea
Su Ling: Claypot chicken rice and orange juice
Kia Huey: Yam and pork rice and what juice i forgot le
Louis: Yam and pork rice, carrot cake and carrot juice.
Lovely dinner with a nice chat. I was so "!!!!" with the so called medium sized juice! whats more large????
No pics cos... it was blurrrrrrrr
Had hashbrowns, beans and egg with oats for my breakfast. Woke up at 6am for the class at 8am. Wowee. Not been waking up for ages. It's really a pain you know. Den i had A bit of Subway at 5 plus too. ( FINALLY! ) and there isn't anything special about it. Sourish and... well i think i can make a better sandwich than Subway :x
*********
How am i today? It's still another struggle...
Instructions: Remove 1 question from below, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
Question Removed: 12. What type of person do you hate the most?
1. At what age do you wish to marry?
26-28. depends how much i have in my bank. XD muz at least 20k above in my savings.
2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
South korea, NZ or Aust.
3. What's your favorite thing to do?
paper craft
4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
OF COURSE!
5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
Once i had a sweet dream where i suddenly hold a girls hand and we then become couples. everyone cheered. its the sweetest dream i ever had. So sweet i cry over it.
6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
NO.
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
Reasons to live. Family. Her.
8. What is your current mood?
Just woke up. A bit unhappy. angry.
9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
I did and i will if i intend to get stuck with her for live.
10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
Aiyo how ah geok yi. Didn't know you well also. Erm, tall, can run and bake? ><
11. What are the requirements that you wish from the other half?
Open up, share her thoughts and feelings... be happy often ^^
12. What type of person do you dislike the most?
Those who had hurt me so deeply that i've changed into someone i don't like being. Someone who thinks the world had to be how they think to be. And those who don't appreciate their parents.
13. What is your ambition?
Bring my parents to enjoy their life. And hers too. ^^
14. If you can teleport once, where would you go?
I agree with Geok Yi. Save it if i got lost or if i lost someone in this world.
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Don't know. Her i guess.
16. If you are given a chance to forget one memory, what would that be?
T_T sigh. I wish i can forgot more than one...
17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
the soft-hearted and weak part.
18. What music have you been listening to recently?
milkshake.hip hop.
19. What will you be doing 10 years from now?
that'll be 31 years old. Helping my dad at the farm? or stuck in a jam.
20. If one day you couldn't do the things that you are used to doing now anymore, how would you feel?
That's a bit scary. Don't understand it too.
Not goin to tag anyone cos i tagged em b4. XD
what happened is forgotten...
But another day brings a poison to hurt...
waiting to be forgotten tonight...
Sometimes we had to make choices and moves we don't want...
we all have choices but not everyone want to compromise...
because they fear...
i don't.
Lots of notes given today. hell its a lot to read.
It hurts.
Felt like a stupid idiot.
hate it.
It just HURTS.
T_T
I hate you Louis for being so weak.
Why can't you control yourself?
Sleep. And everything will be forgotten...
you shi hou hen sha.... bu... shi zhen sha...
ye bu zhi dao wei shem me...
xing hen tong
hen nan guo...
wo yuan beng dou mei you "gang"
gang ma wo you yau.....
zhen sha..
zao zhi dao... ye bu zhi dao..
zhen bu dong wei shem me you zhe me nan guo
kai xin bu kai xin. qu shui yi ge jiao... shem me dou me shi le ^^
jiu shuang shi yao pian ji zhi...
after the movies. went on biting here and there. Had sour cream with chives potato wedges and durian vanilla teppanyaki ice cream. I must say im so damn lucky that the japanese spring food fair was there. only once a year you know!!!! and i got a packet of japanese curry and kia huey got a lot of other stuffs too ^^
My 4th trip to the cinema. Was at home bored and nothing to do and a bit..... well was glad that Kia Huey suddenly asked me if i wanted to go to the cinema and watch Speed Racer. Woweee. Go make up straight away XD. Movie was blinding at first and its a bit too retro and colourful. Can say it was rather a pain to the since as the colours are rather too concentrated? Plot was okay and the soundtrack. Lovely. I cant really see the race running too except the last race . Well least im happy watching ^^. Went on cam whoring too. XD
Finally blogged about my trip to UM. First trip was with cindy and the second one there was koon following. It was really a HUGE place. a lot of space of freedom too. Food is cheap as well ^^ Don't think i may go there again... not much that i could find useful or.. maybe im too stupid to use the facilities...
I don't remember having any bestfriends then...still kept in touch with a few... missed Hui Yian d most. D gal directly just below me. Haha... cos hers dad a farmer too. I remember once the teacher asked if any family is a farmer. I rose my hand.
hm.. better dun remember somethings..
Woke up at a good time after my sleep. I so love my eye blinder! No bothers when my roomie on the lights in d middle of the night. Im quite sensitive u know.
Fixed my proposals a bit then off i go to the uni. Hot day and suddenly mr Edwin called to get me to photostat things. Uni's xerox station was full so i had to walk allll the bloody way to the morning market area to xerox. Not eaten since then i was damn hungry.
Had a heavy lunch with Evelyn thy all.
How was the first lecture today. Well i ady felt like puking before and the humour brought out by the lecture makes me wanna puke more.
There were other things as well... but guess i should try to be ignore or thick. Just try to do what i am suppose to do and rock with it. You cant just let things take over ya do ya??
Just dun wish to let things crash into me and be unhappy. . .
Timetable was pretty awful this semester. having to wake up at 8 on wed n thurs and fight till like 2 sumthin with little breaks. awful. no class on tues. it was great. monday was okay too but havin class till 7.30. that is horrible. friday and sat was painful for everyone except me. i dun mind. haha. ^^ Hope for the best this sem. RAWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrr
If im not suppose to know... why bother trying to know? It's unfair in some sense. When you respect them and treat them well and you was hoping the same... but they don't really have to treat you the same way isn't it? Sometimes people always think i know or something and said " oh i though you know" and this and that... =_=
sigh wht am i babbling. There is one day coming soon. That i know i will or may get hurt. Sucks that i know how it would happen anyway.maybe... hope i forgot it when i go to sleep.
Few more days to uni soon. Prepare to listen to childish complains and i listed those things that would happen in my brain.
FUCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!
I got a bloody hell virus invasion. corrupted all my files and i cant copy anything in my backup!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
FLARING WILDLY!!!!!!!!!
10 PM and i not eaten since 2. Too furious to eat. ARGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
BLOODY VIRUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I had a dream not long ago where i found out things by accident from someone i trust a lot. Somehow did it come true or ahve i just been thinking too much? It really hurts. I don't seem to understand what am i typing or am thinking. It's just that i felt that i was lied on???? Things were okay for me these few days and i disregard my nightmare but... why did it happened?
Yea it sure hurts if one has been lied or something. Maybe i guess i deserved it. But then again the thought just doesn't sound logic. I felt avoided and yet i too felt like a malicious stalker which is sick. I just don't understand why..why ... WHY????
I rather get smacked with the truth and face the pain than ...
Im so confused now. felt like dying.what the hell is wrong with me now? why the hell is it happening...
I hope i am just thinking tooo much. Yes maybe. I hope. Stilll it hurts. Fuck.
Hope i just forget it. Act stupid. Well being stupid is better. No need to think so far. what the hell... sigh... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Out biting here and there at Ss2 night market. Had a lo han guo, yam bread, taiwan pizza, hearbal tea egg and a china burger. XD
I felt a tremor a while a go. Shooked a few times. tot i was not balanced but shouts from my neighbour came and siaukoon asked me if i felt anything shaking cos she thinks she was just dizzy. Haha... could be tremors from China or sumwhere else. Sigh...
Love,
once broken,
is like a crack in the mirror.
Shattered. Never the same again.
The sharp pains, haunting me everynight.
Leaving me in tears... endless tears...
I see myself in tears when i look at the broken mirror.
Glueing it back wont make things right...because..
you will see an incomplete person there...
lost...
lost....
lost...
I don't wish to throw it away,
Nor i wish to keep it.
Why not see the mirror as how it was once beautiful?
instead of looking whats destroyed...
Would cutting myself with the mirror change anything?
Throwing it away or buying a new one?
No ...
Why not... take a fragment of the mirror,
there you see a complete self...
throw the rest away..
Yes there is a solution,
yes there is a possibility,
but ....
but...
but...
Would she take the risk?
the oppourtunity to give each other a chance?
It hurts.. hurts... hurts...
for sometimes a reborn is too late...
and we wish we would just die and fade away...
but that would be stupidity...
drowned and haunted by that i could have done,
but why don't people just understand?
why is it too late when one had finally changed?
Rome was not built in a day
so is my courage...
I can only blame my slowness...
the pain just grows...
what can be done?
There is a pain behind those smiles i see in the mirror...
with tears...
i end.
i had a furious dream that hurts... it's when someone you trust hides something from you for a long time. And you find it out by accident instead of the person tellin you. Or maybe you wasnt suppose to know anyway... it's a bloody hell dream.
X f0rg0tten realms X
updates:
Juz cut myself in the kitchin and it keeps bleeding. keep keep bleeding..
I got six mosquito bites on my right arm and three on the left. Didn't count those on my legs yet. Had it last night when i think my roomate forgot to switch on the aircond and close d window???
************************************************
A bestfriend of mine broke up after a year plus relationship. I was the first to know since im so close to her. She was rather confused and guess i know how it feels since i went through it before and i still feel the pains now tho. What made me felt more painful was the things she said. Well firstly i don't know whts the reason for them but it seems that guys are stereotyped in a way tho i agree majority of the boy are almost the same.
Well first was that she was disappointed and "opened her eyes" to how guys see girls and the second was that she will "find it hard to trust guys again". It was also a blow to me cos... well the first statement was okay but the second statement hurts me a lot now... which is why no wonder.... there's some sort of problem. In a ways its an unfair statement but then... sigh... im confused myself now. Guess my friend's pain infected me and become my pain too.
:(
************************************************************
Sometimes i seem to make wrong decisions to hastily and frequently. Certified stupid. At times... im just a monster. I deserve a punishment on what i did...
************************************************************
Not getting anywhere thinner since i didn't skip my meals...
************************************************************
Semester is going to start in a weeks time. What am i afraid of?
You cannot belive how sadistically beautiful is this song. Went to tears listening it. Thanks to Chivalry Amulet aka Mei Lin for sendin me this song.
A miserable feeling..
Lost. Trapped. Confused. Haunted. Sad. No one to share with. Where are you? :(
Saw my youngerbrother online at 1 am. Surprised that he was on cos i rarely see him. I asked him what he is up to. Said just came back from work.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was like... what??? andi asked him what he do... said...
Washing plates and waiter....
!!!!!!!!!!!
I felt so sad and guilty hearing it. His studies wasn't even good and he was there... working. Felt sad that... there is nothing i can do... Sigh. Din do well in studies... still .... sigh.... too much...
Where is Miss Green Apple? If you read this... do gimme a call please. Missed you so much. Call me anytime. I be awake by even 8 am to wait... i did called. Phone did rang. but no one answers. Phone stolen or in shop ? T_T Do ring me up from ur home or contact me...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's a horrible holiday.
Alone tonight. Housemates went somewhere n im stuck here. had a bite of "apam balik" in d mornin, dumplings for lunch n oranges. i loveeeeeeee dumplings. And i had porridge and pumpkin. Spend so much time in cook. I do enjoy it XD. Again i forgot to switch on my rice cooker.... grrrr
While i was walking at the park... climbing the slope and..........I FELL. O U C H and it H U R T S!!!!!!!!! both my hands, arm and legs were.....UGH! It's been too long i didn't fell the sensation of pain...T_T
Sometimes when you need someone... they are not there... it hurts..
slowly if it happens to much... you had to learn to be independent... to be strong to resist the feeling...
When someone needs you... well the feeling is great... but then depends who is it... sometimes when someone needs you too much... you become attached too. but then it depends again...
*********************************************************
Lots of things im going to learn...endure... accept and face. Is it not that the world is full of resources? maybe ...yeah... just maybe...
if only we don't have to choose some things we may have hard time to choose and to choose when we need too...
Missing someone. . . T_T
*****************************************
Tomorrow i will be haing my last supp paper. Language learning and teaching. It was an interesting subject that i don't expect to fail... well i got D tho but D is a fail to my standards and F is... degrading to me.
*****************************************
Next semester is coming soon. I promise my mum i will do well. Cos i booked the ticket home and back ady. YAY!!! No worries for now... i hope. Another good start i hope that i will conquer and not fall halfway. The "Be Happy" book mark is there to cheer me up :) thanks to you buddy.
It was a hard time during the holidays. So bored. Housemates returned. They had to take supp too...
signing off for to nite. Hearts to the stars.
taken during our MMS exam. Well before to be exact. XD. Going off to uni now and paying my 3 month bills which is overdued ><. then goin to uni doin my stuffie as well. Ladies and gentlemen, ever wonder how much potential you have when you finally broke free from your "chains"? ever wonder much time you wasted when you could have been someone now? I did. Haha. Tot of writing a book bout GO with collobation w xin wen and BIGOS. Even tho there are a lot of info on wikipedia and online but having a book published would give easier access to the people. Readin a book is much more better than readin it from the screen right? Well after from uni, i'll start a side proposal with this future project. Man, Voon been to korea and taiwan FREE liaw. So regret that i did't learn it when he nagged me to do so T_T... could have be an intermediate or advance player. Muahaha. In my dreams. . .
This was a birthday gift that i adored very much given by Mandy and Li Zhao... dun remember who else shared but thanks!!!!!! one year is comin soon n i felt the poster wast just put up yesterday :) the colour is fading... but the happiness is still there :) thanks mandy and li zhao.
Had penang lobak just now with my housemates who came back to sit supp. I l o v e it. ate this yam in fu chuk wrap n yam cake. the sauce was decent too XD
It's mothers day today too. second time i din manage to go back when i should be... Miss a lot of food. pineapple pork ribs, fried shark fin, sea cucumber and deep fried prawns. and the soups... XD
Anyway recently im happy calm. ^^ stress will start again when semester starts. :(
Read from NST that a girl died of infection in the national service too. 18 years old and i was deeply hurt on what happened to her. It's no use regrading what the govt will do cos a happiness just left from everyone who knew that girl... forever. Somemore it's not the first time as well :s.. sigh...
I used to remember that when i was in form 3. Sung a lot of malays songs with classmates. ROcked that time. Haha. Here's amy, one of my fav malay songs.
I'm very happy after watching this movie. Didn't laugh happily for a long time. Going to sleep now :)
Roomate brought me to somewhere in Petaling Street. I really didn't know where am i then... Had a super BIG lou su fun (Rat's rice?) haha and some pork and dumplings. Love the dumplings. Love the chilli but i can't consume them due to health problems. It was a nice meal... but too expensive. :)
Got tagged by Faye ~
Questions:
1. What disappoints you the most?
- people who jumps to conclusions without logic thoughts.
2. Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
- A tour of China or Europe.
3. What's your favorite thing to do?
-Learning something new, origami
4. Do you think money can buy happiness?
-Yeah, one of the main reasons. Including health :)
5. If you can have one dream to come true, what would it be?
- Strike jackpot. You can say im money-minded but i have a family to look after and debts to clear. If not, to be with someone i love... her.
6. Do you believe you can survive without money?
- NO.
7. What are you afraid to lose the most?
- Reasons to live. Her.
8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
- Help my parents and brother. Pay off my debts. Buy Cindy a DSLR as i promised IF i win jackpot and things to those whom i promised. Donate. Travel.
9. What is the most embarassing thing that happened to you recently?
- Not talking about it.
10. List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you?
-1) Smart
-2) Got a good voice
-3) . . . ?
11. What makes you happy?
- Seeing that someone smiling at me. Parents called up. Friend gatherings. MONEY
12. What type of person do you hate the most?
- Hypocrites.
13. What is your ambition?
- Travel, have a family
14. If you could have a superpower, what would it be?
- teleport like Jumper. Saves time in travelling :)
15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
-reasons to live. family.
16. What do you do when you're alone?
- What do you think?
17. If you have a chance, which part of your character would you like to change?
- To be more happier, open minded and brave.
18. How long will you wait for the person you love to say yes to you?
- 5 years.
19. What is your least favourite animal?
- Dogs.
20. What is your ultimate addiction?
- Don't really know...
Instructions: Remove 1 question from above, and add in your personal question, make it a total of 20 questions, then tag 8 people in your list, list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
I tagged :
Joreen
Leong
Jun Jun
Jestina
Li Li
Ramizah
Wil Ni
Wira
"I will love you eternally"
"No matter what I will support you and be with you through thicks and thins"
"No one can replace you in my heart"
"I wont look for others, I promise"
"I will do anything for you"
"You are my everything, no one else seems important to me"
These are words... most men said. Those who have a broken heart will say its a lie. those who had their first love... well.. you know. Below will be my version. haha.
"I will love you eternally" / I am loving you before i "will". Forever, if not a lover, a friend.
"No matter what I will support you and be with you through thicks and thins" / Even if you are somebody's husband. I'll still help u as a loving friend.
"No one can replace you in my heart" / Yes no one.
"I wont look for others, I promise" / <<< thats the biggest lie i tell you. Still to be honest, if i had someone ady, i wont look for others cos i be busy looking after my own ;)
"I will do anything for you" / I will do anything i can do with my ability for you.
"You are my everything, no one else seems important to me" / My parents are. Never forget your parents and your in-laws. because without them, there wont be you and her. :)
Don't always assume things are all right.
Aren't you selfish yourself when you're saying im selfish?
I am just like you are. But growing up from different place.
I miss home a lot. Dad and Mum. And my dear friends. Sharen, Leong, Ken, Dayat, Met, Zam, Dan, Wira, Fai... and all those who made me smile and laughed till tears of joy rolled down...
All i want is...
it's only something simple yet complicated request. To be free. To be happy. But why is it that there is a chain holding... a unknown control that restricts... :(
It's a good morning to start my day. everything is fine except im a bit lonely. touched by what my cousin said. :) They're so cute.
Why do i always make you sigh?
when im trying my best to make you smile
Tried to give u a life full of surprise
but in the end i some how end up despised...
Not written any poetry for a long time. This was a photo taken when i was on the LRT. A sky with a heart shape. Lovely isn't it?
a bit.. but then... very also... don't know what to do... a bit stuck....
SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I got two DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Meaning i had to fork out rm 200 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so confident that i would pass sociolinnguistics but..........!!!!!!!!!!
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SO FUCKING DEPRESSED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another slap in life cos..................
Got financial problems............................
Guess i really going to fast this month...................
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
