Jewel & Sapphire™

Finally everything is done except with an exam coming up on tuesday.BM~ With only me taking that exam. It's Sunday today where one should be going out but... well i've been confined here every since... just simply have no once to go out with. This semester has been ok. Malaysian Literature is ok but a bit boring because no one talked except me while japanese is tough where everyone tried except me. ><

Emotionally i've been bleeding deep down inside with no one knowing how it feels. It is really hard to not notice, to not care and to put one a beautiful mask. ALmost everyday i go home with a heavy heart hoping something would happen to me. But im grateful that most times at night im happy with Pink Tulip helping me out clearing me my pains... but it only last a night and each morning i wake up with lies telling me "hey! i be ok!" Othertimes i sorta "quarrel" with her for reasons unknown.. maybe im just not careful with my words...

Argh... it's really a tough time. I don't know what i've done to myself and what will i do more to harm myself. I try and try and it goes wrong often. I have not been using swear words for a long time... Should i give up and get on with my life? It seems that im straining myself with useless things. My character has always been a emotionally weak person but i got stronger and meaner day by day as well

"I hate you! I hate you! I F****** hate you! " for stealing... for being so stupid that it was you who told me to XXXX but it was you who created problems for me. Another person for WHY? I trusted so much in you and still or yet... and another person... for the childishness. Maybe i am one too cos here im whining... who cares... its my blog...

Just yesterday i got drunked with a dear friend getting a new hair do and i was shocked... godsmacked and i felt like jumping off the cliff. haha... had lunch together with another friend and aiks.. so malu.. din bring wallet pun... but happy to have a small bite with them. hoping to have more with P.T

Cheers to my mind... yes a toast to my mind. Why? Personally i think i've been braver... i've went throught a lot of bloody pain. Shed a few tears but its nothing. People had been hard on me but i had been strong at the same time too. 2008 is around the corner and i hope i would be stronger. Don't worry louis, you'll do fine.

Perhaps next year i may or may not choose to do something.but i wont regret... even if i would.. maybe i wont lost anything. its a challenge to my own principles...


****************************stream of messed up thoughts ***************************

~~~~~help me im drowning~~~~~~ yes louis, you can do it!~~~~~~~~i hate you~~~ i love you! ~~~~~~~~~i didn't betray you~~~~~~louis, you've been hurt deeply, please see a counsellor or someone...you need to talk. If u act too late...you'll get worse..~~~~~~~life is full of up and downs... soon it will be up again. dun worry~~~~~~lies lies lies...ppl prefer lies. why? ~~~~~~~~ why don't you trust me. i need you....~~~~~~~~~~~tomorrow will be a better day.~~~ how many tomorrows i must let down~~~~~~~~~it's a dark world ur living.~~~~~the ugly side of humans~~~~~~~~~~ why don't you tell me? u used to share but now...T_T~~~~~~~~~ aye... the world is big, be open minded and you'll be free~~~~~~~~ there is plenty of chances.. learn to grab it~~~~~~~~ the more sacrifice you made, does not mean the better result you get ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~you have to let go to get what you want~~~~~~~~ to have more, desire less~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oh i hate the drama queen and one who pretends a lot~~~~~~~~~~ learn to let forget n forgive~~~~~haha.. do they?~~~~~~~~ i succeeded in showing respect to them and giving them support. but do they ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~????? ```````````````help me help me help me~~~~~~~~~~~~~go away go away go away~~~!!!!~ `~~~~im complicated. cant not be understood ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i wanna go out~~~~~~~ sigh~~~~~~ dear god, sorry that i will disappoint you soon~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ wertyuioplkjhgfdsxcvbnm,~~~~~~~~one day you will be sorry.... ~~~~~~ignorance is death... ignorance is bliss too~~~~~~~~~ i need your help ~~~~~~~~~~~i am a monster ~~~~~~i am a pervert~~~~~~~~XD ~~~~~~~trust no one, deny everything~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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