Poof! And finally the semester ends.Last two days with Sensei Nahan Rajan and Mr David. Can say this semester is not as stressful as other semesters since we had only 3 subs... erm... to be exact, im d only havin 3 subs. >< Japanese was great with laughter and sudden shouts by Sensei which startled most gakusei. Though i've done badly for japanese with a grade of 18/100. . . i still had fun. but not the part when we had to practice cos my head will be down often and try to appear invisible. >< Took a photo with sensai where b4 i slapped his belly... gosh. like a bag of oil.haha. hm~ suddenly i remembered when i hugged Alicia who feels similar also. Oops...don't think she'll read my posts.haha...><
Literature on the other hand... hard to comment since most students didn't actually share thoughts or something. Mr Lukes class was a bit ahem. David on the other hand was ok too. Happy part was that we scored well in assignment too. YEAH. RAWR!!!
Personally this semester is not a happy one was well.75% mess against 20% happiness with 5% unknown mess. Friendship/ relationship problems still dragged on... with countless misunderstandings and miscommunication. Nothing ever was right. When one meant this, it was misunderstood as that. People didn't make things clear and well mess just keeps getting worse. The failure to accept and understand?
Time i had to give up when suddenly i felt that i no longer can rely on someone. Cutting off the knots tied around me and tie new ones ~ What is friendship actually? I don't really understand... maybe wht i want or expect and from people is different. but im glad that there are still a few that clings around me. Suddenly there was a Miss of m buddies back in brunei. esp those in UK.haha...
There are things im happy, there are things unrest as usual. but bygones will and must be bygones. serve them as a lesson or human errors. Nest sem will be tougher so i must be stronger. most importantly must let myself down or sumone. and gosh i dun wanna read tht words too. "NX CXXXXXX" and others from that friend. Quite a let down.
PLans and provisions. Be working part time and putting a lot of pressure for myself. Assignments may face problem perhaps... but must stick to a regilar plan that i will follow. they say there always a lot of time... but personally... i dun have enuf time and opportunities are dropping. must make use of every resources i got. and relieve the "XXXXXX" i used to have.
Plans for next year? frequent the gym? well these study week will be going there often. if i din get a job during the holiday will also go there n hip hopping around. Will also save more money and eatless... i tend to overeat so that must got to go. may travel much too since my friend got a car from subang. hope to hang out with my brunei friends. Bon Odori! i'm waiting for july!!! Hope i'll have a gf then to together with. its just so lovely. XD last time i go was lonely but well least i get the "beauty" feel. too bad i aint got camera...
Sharen if you read this. I want IT too!!!!! you know wht i mean. keke. :P
Not goin home this sem... and so is chinese new year i guess...
I hope during the serious of /break/ there will be a nother drastic change in me. . .
A few people to thank this semester >> Yi Hueih as usual and those who poed me to go see doctor when i got poisoned ~ jacq, Yu Hua and some others. Siau Koon and Li Zhao for being a great help and parts of EL1 who made a lively moment to me. My Lit assign members who make it a wowee for getting a good score...
My other wishes > Hope things will be great next semester. Ken Win will pass. Pink Tulip be happy. getting good results.. some things may be forgotten... starting something anew...
Celebrated Siew's Birthday at Chilli's in One Utama. My wallet bleeded a lot that day. Well we all had Old Timer's burger which is quite HUGE with lots of fries. then there is this bottomless fruit juice where i drank tomato juice which make me puke...seriously... and pineapple juice and bits of mango, apple and guava. Yummmy~
here are those pics i be displaying while d rest goes into myspace where u can check it out at the link. XD
Perhaps my 2nd favourite song after the emotional A song for XX. this song bot a beautiful music and a classy one... considering the cost of the mv! DOn't know who played a faster version of this song but i admire the person playing it...
Finally everything is done except with an exam coming up on tuesday.BM~ With only me taking that exam. It's Sunday today where one should be going out but... well i've been confined here every since... just simply have no once to go out with. This semester has been ok. Malaysian Literature is ok but a bit boring because no one talked except me while japanese is tough where everyone tried except me. ><
Emotionally i've been bleeding deep down inside with no one knowing how it feels. It is really hard to not notice, to not care and to put one a beautiful mask. ALmost everyday i go home with a heavy heart hoping something would happen to me. But im grateful that most times at night im happy with Pink Tulip helping me out clearing me my pains... but it only last a night and each morning i wake up with lies telling me "hey! i be ok!" Othertimes i sorta "quarrel" with her for reasons unknown.. maybe im just not careful with my words...
Argh... it's really a tough time. I don't know what i've done to myself and what will i do more to harm myself. I try and try and it goes wrong often. I have not been using swear words for a long time... Should i give up and get on with my life? It seems that im straining myself with useless things. My character has always been a emotionally weak person but i got stronger and meaner day by day as well
"I hate you! I hate you! I F****** hate you! " for stealing... for being so stupid that it was you who told me to XXXX but it was you who created problems for me. Another person for WHY? I trusted so much in you and still or yet... and another person... for the childishness. Maybe i am one too cos here im whining... who cares... its my blog...
Just yesterday i got drunked with a dear friend getting a new hair do and i was shocked... godsmacked and i felt like jumping off the cliff. haha... had lunch together with another friend and aiks.. so malu.. din bring wallet pun... but happy to have a small bite with them. hoping to have more with P.T
Cheers to my mind... yes a toast to my mind. Why? Personally i think i've been braver... i've went throught a lot of bloody pain. Shed a few tears but its nothing. People had been hard on me but i had been strong at the same time too. 2008 is around the corner and i hope i would be stronger. Don't worry louis, you'll do fine.
Perhaps next year i may or may not choose to do something.but i wont regret... even if i would.. maybe i wont lost anything. its a challenge to my own principles...
****************************stream of messed up thoughts ***************************
~~~~~help me im drowning~~~~~~ yes louis, you can do it!~~~~~~~~i hate you~~~ i love you! ~~~~~~~~~i didn't betray you~~~~~~louis, you've been hurt deeply, please see a counsellor or someone...you need to talk. If u act too late...you'll get worse..~~~~~~~life is full of up and downs... soon it will be up again. dun worry~~~~~~lies lies lies...ppl prefer lies. why? ~~~~~~~~ why don't you trust me. i need you....~~~~~~~~~~~tomorrow will be a better day.~~~ how many tomorrows i must let down~~~~~~~~~it's a dark world ur living.~~~~~the ugly side of humans~~~~~~~~~~ why don't you tell me? u used to share but now...T_T~~~~~~~~~ aye... the world is big, be open minded and you'll be free~~~~~~~~ there is plenty of chances.. learn to grab it~~~~~~~~ the more sacrifice you made, does not mean the better result you get ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~you have to let go to get what you want~~~~~~~~ to have more, desire less~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~oh i hate the drama queen and one who pretends a lot~~~~~~~~~~ learn to let forget n forgive~~~~~haha.. do they?~~~~~~~~ i succeeded in showing respect to them and giving them support. but do they ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~????? ```````````````help me help me help me~~~~~~~~~~~~~go away go away go away~~~!!!!~ `~~~~im complicated. cant not be understood ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~i wanna go out~~~~~~~ sigh~~~~~~ dear god, sorry that i will disappoint you soon~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~ wertyuioplkjhgfdsxcvbnm,~~~~~~~~one day you will be sorry.... ~~~~~~ignorance is death... ignorance is bliss too~~~~~~~~~ i need your help ~~~~~~~~~~~i am a monster ~~~~~~i am a pervert~~~~~~~~XD ~~~~~~~trust no one, deny everything~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Another day has gone by where i had to face sombre and hostile faces. First of all, i've ridden japanese assignment and these 3 days will go hardcore doing my literature assignments. Probably of all, this is the only subject i can perform well. How i wish i was balanced in some ways...
yesterday i lost my friends bicycle lock... ouch.. had to pay.. but luckily i didn't lost the bicycle itself else i had to pay a lot... T_T.
Just ate cucur bawang and udang for lunch. Been waiting for the stall till i give up months ago and wowee its there! at last!
I don't know if i am to be happy or unhappy lately. Still i had to fight and i receive... factually lack of cheers or support. Makes me senseless sometimes or perhaps im too sensitive? As if i commited a world sin. Personally i managed to give them support n signs of respect tho i dislike them but yet ...
Try not mind this a lot. Wish i could chat with that someone now but can't always find and disturb ppl rite? Somethings got to go... got to let go and all... and im so stubborn? Perhaps my absence in her world would make her happier... sigh ~
Trust... What is it actually? A way of believing someone that they can keep their promises? Or was it a bind that keep relationships together. I dare not say never break my promise cos i did and perhaps i often break it. What is the value of promise that we hold? Sometimes when it is our turn to tell the truth, people may not believe us anymore. Too late? Perhaps so and maybe perhaps thats what we deserve for breaking promises. To count, i am burdened with a lot and blessed with a lot of things that i know and peoplthink i don't know. Sometimes there is a need, a temptation to tell it out. Strange but maybe that is not a promise we should keep at the first place. Right now there was this few someone that fears too trust me... well i don't blame them cos one i hurt them twice and second, im not so good a person afterall. Just let time to give itself a proper mend and perhaps soon everything will be ok. Would it? I don't know... I've been drowned myself...
Expectations... we can never expect too much or even a little. Sometimes we just disappoint ourselves and other times we make things worse. To look behind, i wonder did i expect anything... yes or no? I can't answer that myself... i even forgot when is yesterday. Closed all my cases that are problematic and turned over a new leaf. Lifes gotta go and we stay put, we will just die and being left behind... and to start a journey we must first walk....
Above a blog i wrote not knowing what i am writing about...
Here is some nice mvs again. First there was Sandy Lam's song ~ Zi shao hai you ni and then Leslie Cheungs duet with Sandy's - From now on which is a personal favourite and lastly Sweety where i dunno what is the name of the song. ><
These are tidbits from China given by my friend, Charlene! who went there for almost a month. Haha... like most of them especially the peach sandwich, pineapple and mango roll and the beef. The white thing... i think "lou fun" ady. It is sold cheaply in Sarikei. So i think its a foo chow food. Haha. Thanks Char ~
Yesterday and today i learned somethings and advice. First was that someone told me just to stop it all. more things i make more problem i create so i stop lo. Was scolded and i think i deserve it is that i make too much fuss in "quarreling with girls" Come to think of it... i seem to forget who i actually am. Forgetting a lot of things and most importantly... men and women are just different and i give myself a hell lot of pressure for nothing positive. Second was changes. Changing for someone was STUPID so we change for ourselves. Why bother to people that can't accept us. True friends accept. If not bye bye. I realize that i never was a problem until now. so... *shrugs* that's it? Another thing is " i am who i am" fact? i dunno... we all make changes thoughout the time we walk past time.
Below is a stream of distorted thoughts...
Who talk to strangers? I know everyone. People confide in me i confide to them. that's my way.
You do gossip in your own group. Did others do do?
I admit wht i say but i can't admit things that i dun think i did say or remember that i really said it. Or could it be that people tot i was saying this and actually i was saying that?
avoiding me? this is so pathetic... like i give a damn and got time to waste. haha... people busy with assignments and getting A's during break "sou bu liaw"
who are the "we" ... thats even more pathetic... one told me to FACE it... how ironic....
Today i was prescribed with viral infections and stomach flu... but i think i got food poisoning as a result of taking in the wrong food... and now im still suffering from stomach and body pains... few days ago sneezed blood out and it was terrifying. Not been healthy lately and well had to take care of myself. Thanks to those who had constantly nagging me to go to see the doctor. Namely Yi Hueih, Jacq, Yu Hua and some others.... I din want to see actually n now i gotta lot of med to consume. Thanks for your love and care... T_T
Lately still facing blue faces from two classmates. I wonder how can they bear the look. I myself couldn't even bear doing it if i were to hate someone. Have an open-mind and knowing to accept will make me just well gone off. And this quote i got that goes something like " You like doesn't mean people like" refering to the gym. First of all, i play the role as a suggester only and i don't make the like it. =_= Kesian the way this is thought. I think she should have an more open mind a bit cos what we do is not necessarily what we think. I've heard this quote a number of times and i reflect the past and i can't seem to see in what sense im making ppl or force ppl do things.
Haiz ~ maintaining relationships is tough. When our intention was meant to be good, it was turned upside down. Can't they just think of a reason that WHY would i want to hurt them? or just make them uncomfortable?
Once there was a nutcase who knew nothing of love. He always lived happily and well not much to worry also in life other than the struggles. Then got once he was suggested to chase a girl whom he never would wanted cos it's totally against what he wanted. Until just one day he felt touched and accidently fell in love... butterflies were flying i his stomach and often he floated hitting the ceiling till his head went nuts. Many attempts he made to woo the girl until the third time, luck is by his side... but not for long... things got ugly where one is impatient and the other...don't know what the problem is. Hearts were broken finally and ... and things never went right since then... the nutcase lost everything... love, confidence, friendship and all. It's not to say it's her fault but it was the nutcase fault for being unable to face the problems. Being too faithful and loving has it flaws. Someone advised to forget it cos it will be fruitless because of some decisions of life the nutcase made. Others said if you want her back, if you love her... you had to let go... boy that nutcase was confused... he never ask or more and only wanted love and emotional support and he lost it all. Now he thought of changing his mind about the decision in his life... He would if the girl would accept him back... will let go what he choose to be at the first place. The Ultimate sacrifice... he is willing to do it though the consequences may prove to be fatal... would it? God knows... What happens now is unknown... guy want to win back... girl would avoid, want to be close friends also uncertain since twice the nutcase failed and disappointed her. Guy really regretted and because of this his life went to a total messed up. He wishes he would not care but then he is already too attached. Everyday he would walk down the lane and glanced at his left hoping he would see her.. but it never happened. Nobody knows what the nutcase is thinking now... his hear is bleeding everyday. All he wanted was his friends back and support him in all aspects.... he is fighting a losing battle... dunno how long could he stand...On the other side, he just wishes the gal would still share and tell things so least he would feel " yes, we're still good friends and i can still care for her". There was no need to be with her, to grow old again if he and her would be happy like old friends... As for his friends... another battle that is not known what would happen. Everyday he would wear a mask to show his emotionless face. Sooner or later, he would break down... Dear God, i hope you would save his butt.
Think twice before you say 'I do'.. say, Before marriage. Darling here.. darling there... After marriage. Baling here... baling there..
Before marriage. . I die for you. . . After marriage. "You die, up to you. " Lagi lama married. . You die I help you!
Before marriage. . You go anywhere. . I follow you. After marriage. . . You go anywhere. . up to you. Lagi lama married. . . You go anywhere better get lost!!
Before wedding you are my heart, you are my love" After wedding "you get on my nerves. "
Before wedding "you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella" After wedding "you are worse than godzila"
Before wedding Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you After wedding Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you
Before wedding Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La After wedding You want to go, he says you wait-la
Before wedding She looks like Anita Sarawak After wedding Don't know whether katak or biawak
Before wedding Weekends at Cameron, Genting and Fraser's Hill After wedding Furthest you go is Maxwell Hill
Before wedding He opens the car door After wedding He opens his mouth and snores
Before wedding She / he was your ideal After wedding She / he becomes your ordeal hehe...future hubbies...be careful...and future wives...be aware.......................!!
Was taking a trip to Masjid Jamek intending to go DBKL for the Okinawa Cultural concert which is painfully slow... While walking, me and a friend stumbled upon Dataran Merdeka where i don't know it was located just a few walks away and i was WoWeee... Happy!! that i come upon a new place again. Haha... it was well a beautiful place just unlucky that we went there at the wrong day.Sunday. The library was closed and inside got cartoon n art gallery which was a beauty. We only got to stare from the outside... sniff sniff. Again my usual self where i took a lot of self pics... well my friend Charlene took for me so thanks to her a lot.XD. Had my lunch at Sogo food court. Beef Lasagna... not really good compared to the one served at The Curve by whatchamacalit shop.. one tht i took part in cosplaying. Den had a freeze mocha which half an hour later make me wanna puke... must be the wrong fuse of food. That day was a tired one. Walked from home to Asia Jaya...thts far... Can say i have s lil wonderful day.. only wished my other friends were able to hang out and relax with me.
Artist: Smap Title: Sekai ni Hitotsu Dake no Hana (A Flower Unlike Any Other in The World) Words: Makihara Noriyuki Music: Makihara Noriyuki
There's no need to be No. 1 you've always been a very special only one.
I saw many kinds of flowers lined up in front of the flowershop. everyone has their favorite kinds but all of them are pretty. Without competing to see which was the best among them, they were standing straight up proudly inside the bucket. So why then do we humans have to compare ourselves to one another? Eventhough each and every person is different, why do we want to be number one? Yes we are each..
a flower unlike any other in the world and each and everyone of us carries a different seed We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.
There are people who are constantly unsure of what they want, as they laugh a little put out. It can't be helped, all those flowers, that did everything they could to bloom, are pretty. when at last that person comes out of the store, they're holding a colorful bouquet and I see them smiling happilly as they go by me. I never knew their name but that day they made me smile.
we too are like flowers that bloom in places where no one pays any attention. Yes we too are each...
a flower unlike any other in the world and each and everyone of us carries a different seed We should focus all our efforts on trying to make that flower bloom.
Small flowers and big flowers, none are the same as one another. There's no need to be No. 1 you've always been a very special only one.
*i once listen to this song often too in the morning like my sensai till i got bored of it. Now it is brought back again and well start living happily to have a new day going on. gambatte!!!
Pink Tulip lie admist in a vast desert, A lonely traveller in spots this flower, enchanted by its sweetness and wishes to pluck it but will it die when it is taken away?
Journey has been lonely for the traveller, but he is sure he can take care of the tulip, and let it lasts as long as it lives, only unknowing if the tulip is willing to accompany... the lonely journey of the traveller...
A lousy poem i wrote... haha...
If people thinks im very "jiwang"... well no im NOT!!!!
This is a very touching love song that i come across though the video.. and the singer is not handsome at all...haha. Sigh ~ i once fell in love ( and still do) with a person i chose not to before i really do. Shes not really what i seek and it is what i don't want most when i was young.. who knows love is really blind and i finally got addicted to her like a drug.Haha. I don't know if i should continue loving and waiting because to follow me will be a big challenge and sacrifice... i can make the sacrifice too but then... it was a hell lot bigger than hers and well a sin too personally. Life sometimes is a bit funny and irony... well since i have since some couples that have made the sacrifice and still happy... well why not i give it a try and wait if this so called "fruitless love" will eventually bear something... sigh ~ been hurt for a long time and guess i need to feel the pain for a few more years to earn a blessing.. will i? I dunno.. God, you tell me...
