Jewel & Sapphire™

Su Lin Jie treated us Big Apple last night. It was delicious. Liked coffee, mango and the one with peanut fillings inside. :) Lovely. Just made a photo frame card for my dear friends too. :)

I went for a voluntary work today at Sentosa carpark there. Helping out for an event tonight. It was about this school that had been unfairly closed and for 8 years they are fighting to re open the school. 30 students were left and they are forced to study in a temple. Yup. it was a temple. Studying by Gods side. Haha. It was hard work. Went home early. body was in pain here and there. OOOCH. I take it as an exercise there. :) At least its better than staying at home thinkin too much and playing dota. Do good is fun too.

Title : Bon Odori Festival 2008
Venue : Panasonic Sports Complex (formerly Matsushita Centre)
Lot 4, Persiaran Perkilangan, Seksyen 21
Shah Alam,Selangor
Date & Time : Sat 12 Jul 2008 (7pm onwards)
Tickets : Free Admission
Phone : 03-2274 2274 (Japan Club of KL)
Synopsis : The Bon Festival is a Japanese Buddhist custom which is held annually to honour the deceased spirits of one's ancestors. It is meant to be a joyful celebration, bringing families together, and celebrating rather than mourning the lives of the dearly departed.

The Bon Odori Festival has been a fixture here in Malaysia for the last 30 odd years, and is more a festival of Japanese culture, with Japanese dances - including the traditional Bon Odori, danced specially for this occassion - music, food and lots more, presented throughout the evening.

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Bon Odori. I missed you since last year. The great atmosphere you gave me, its coming again soon. Many thanks to Poh Yee who bring me there last year. This im going again no matter what. Even if i had to go alone again. Once a year journey. Maybe the only time im the most HIGH and Happy mood. XD

the issue of bully was brought up when one asked me why am i so serious... and later she ask "are you timid" then?

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Sigh.

Well how to you expect a victim to speak up? whats more with threats??? Im only primary then and owez kena bully and .. and... how do you expect a child like that to speak up??

"will you take revenge?"

revenge? i don't mind if that person i hate dir in front of me and ask for help. I think i may laugh with a icy cold heart. call me heartless. But do you think what the bully had done to me is light? the consequence of the me now. the trauma i CANNOT FORGET. the fucking fear that i had that made what am i now. DO YOU THINK I CAN FORGET JUST LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO.

But i can put aside those memories...

I wont take revenge... cos wont i just be like him? revenge is a waste of time. hurting urself more and engulfed in this sorta hate. not worth at all.

GARY OYAU BREK

If i get the name right. I hope you get what you deserve for making what i am to be now.

They say Hating is a painful feeling. indeed it is.

Just wake up from my nap. A long one and i felt better now after that sorrowful trauma switch. T_T behave much juz like dororo. T_T . My neck is kinda ooch now. I cant turn left. T___T. off to cook my dinner now...

It was wednesday today. It just rained outside lightly. I remember once someone said that when it rains, its a good thing. Not sure bout that but i don't see anything well today.

I wonder what happened today. I don't really felt good. It was painful day that i don't understand and soon all pains that im trying to forget came back bullying me again. T_T. I shared my feelings to a dear friend and i didn't know she did came for me. Felt guilty for making her stood there and wait. It was when i decided that i want to talk she walked away. Worse is i somehow .... just make things worse. Spoiled her day i guess. Anyway im suffering now whilst typing this blog. Hate this feeling.

Felt really useless that why i must behave this way. Is it because the pain that once tore me is too immense? Was in small tears again today. Is it the environment?? what i see and so the things just trigger?

What is it? Guilt, fear, anger or what? No one wants to be unhappy. I'm trying to be open-minded... im trying my best to smile but trying seems to be a failure. Indeed things had changed. To remind of the so called "happy" past makes me hurt. I do know that what must be done and had to be done. i have someone to support me to heal n take time. but how long must it take? it seems that certain things are too "evil" to forget off.

Still i pained once in a while. Even the laughter and smiles seem to be a pain. Why? Cos sometimes i felt like an accidently slaughtered goat and revived back without saying sorry! There some parts maybe i deserve a slap but things have gone too far at certain points in life.

How many ass would take the guts to speak up and face terrors? I did the impossible. The idiocy. People walking around as if they never do wrong, thinking they are INNOCENT. WTF. Whats more is this quote that i remember n i detest a lot. " can't believe that in this world got this kind of people"

WTF. WHO ARE YOU??? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE??? Having ask that question? Why am i to be sad that i must go though this miserable suffering when it was just some bitch that said it???

Lots of things went to my mind. Hate it a lot. How much longer need i suffer to get rid of it????

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Again i am to face some things in the future. Some facts that i hope i can accept without pains. It is painful indeed but i hope it will change.

Had BBQ steamboat on sat night somewhere at Kelana Jaya there. Forgot the name of the place. Telephone something. Good thing bout that place is that there is A LOT OF MEAT. while the turn down was the tables are awfully small. The meal was okay where u can actually had bbq there. Gosh after that night i had sore throat and later flu and fever...its the THIRD DAY now that im ill. T_T. Luckily didn't puke that night. Got a bit of control but i certainly was bloated. XD

Just got home from uni. Almost rained and luckily i got home on time. No one is home... sigh. bored. Next week i got lotsa assignments to hand in. Hope i can finish in due time. Well i will. My yogur berry 30% discount is going to expire... :( still not been there yet...Aie...

Feelings were weird though things have been fine. Gotta stay strong.

So much. Happy, sad and angry. First and foremost was bout one of my godsis. Was very happy den when she gave birth to a babygirl whom share the same b'day as me. I read her blog also felt happy with watery eyes :). I don't understand but it sure feels special somehow and its a new born, daughter of one of my first penpal n godsis. Shit happens and i don't know what happen lately to Chloe. T___T Just sad if it happens. I do understand how she felt to some extents. I hope i really can do something to help or save her... :(

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Felt awkward today when people ask "Eh why are you not....."
=_= how the hell i was suppose to know?
hurts man. *first blood*

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Was happy that night too. I dun understand why i still panic and got "stuck". 6months and i still stammer when saying those things. >< Well at least i did it. Tho i was a bit disappointed, but i too was happy the other way round. ^^

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Yeap. It's a big decision to make. It really flares when i think about it that money is a big deal to my family. It's such a itch when you have nothing much in life and you can't do the things you wanted. And i just don't know why i had to be in this state where i'm not at least financially stable. I can't blame my parents cos thy've been working hard.....i.... just don't know wht to do. It's utterly quite HARD and DIFFICULT to achieve my ultimate dream. Sacrifices needed. To leave one it wud break my heart severely, to leave the other i would be the most ungrateful soul on earth. There is no compromise :( i just pray and hope that somewhere along this few years a change or miracle will happen.

Dear God i had enough pain, sufferings, struggles. Do yo still think that it is not enough????

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I'm 22 now. A new life to start but no spices in me. sometimes i wonder why am i so willingful to do so much without getting a blessing. haha... silly indeed...

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________xxxxxx........FrIeNdShIp
_______xxxxx.......Is Like A Flower;
_____xxxxx........Growing In Its Glory,
___xxxxx...........Telling its own story;
__xxx.............FrIeNdShIp is Precious,
__xx..................Not Only In Shade,
__ x............But In D Sunshine Of Life.
....Thanks For Being My Fren...
May Our FrIeNdShiP Will Everlasting
GoD bLeSs In EvRyTiN u Do...

Yup. Just complicated. Neiter sad nor happy. Just wondering...

*updates*

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again i had my feast at Murni nights ago. Had this SUPER HUGE Mee Raja. Live up to it's name and it's really HUGE. I also had this special dragon fruit drink. Two hit combo. T__T thats so sinful.

Was at Chow Yang pasar malam last thursday night. I had this asam laksa which kills. I sweated like i just jump into the swimming pool. The taste is simply stinging. Never will i touch them anymore. Then i also had this Yip Chee Mei Bun which again i will never touch it. Why? Cos its so huge and my . Next i also had this yu yu ice. some ice blended fruity thingy. I also had this satay flavoured fishball. Nothing special. The fishballs are small and not as good as those that i've eaten in Sarawak and Brunei. So that's what i had that night ^^

It was my first time there. Originally intended to buy myself a slice of cake from secret recipe but the atm is empty so i walked away. Bumped in the guys at old town and well... had my first coffee there. Iced White coffee from rm3.80 with small glass. T_T Think my pee can even fill the glass but of course... ahem. Rest of em had some bites. ^^

It's kinda sleepy day today for it is the first time i slept in class >< Muz have been to tired i guess. It was a terror too where everyone said that there will be a water cut off from 3 till tomorrow. AHHHHH. But luckily my area prob had it done at night cos i didn't have water supply in the mornings. Had my breakfast at the kopitiam at 17 there. The wantan mee not bad le. XD I must say it's delicious cos i had not eaten one decent one in KL yet. Or have i? My lunch was sandwich. Cucumbers, tuna, fried eggs with onion springs. :P~

I'm going to sleep early tonight. No reasons. Maybe just want to adopt a healthy lifestyle. Rest well and be well. Last night i was at True Fitness. It was an awful night. Well found out that im overweight. And it turns that i do not need to lose weight but i need to lose FAT. F-A-T. God knows how my tummy looks like. A blob. I tot of snapping a pic of my tummy n post it here... but then. I think no one would visit this blog again if they saw that monster. That "tayar" as my housemate said. T_T.

I saw a glitter graphic from a frens friendster. In life we need certain things to survive. Food, water, air... friends.* rolls my brain* add love too.

Think i may go vegetarian lately. For a short term till i get my shape back. had my hair cut last weekend too. waited an hour. den i got the same hair stylist. her skirt is short and wow.XD

Academics. The pain not started yet. But i had my impromptu speech graded. Responsibility. That word so suits my position. =_= srt of flunk it when i stuck halfway. T_T 2 MINUTES ONLY!!!

Signing off now. Rather tired today...

Zzzzz
Nothing new in life. Been trying to be happy and strong. ^^

Had a tiring day yesterday. My old friend from miri, previously a classmate in primary three. Met up in KL sen and went "adventuring" to Dataran Sogo and Midvalley. Haha. It was really a hot and killing day for my legs havin had the pains for the past two days. But worth it to see an old friend. Last i saw her was in miri in my secondary years i think and yesterday once more. People do change a lot they say but her teeth does not oops. :x That's d part of memory in m brain that i remembered. haha. Got treated with Baskin Robbins and a share of her Carl's Junior. The Japeloni something? >< Thank ya Fish.

Again I owe my thanks to those who gave me a belated surprise. My classmates who gave me my first cake.First birthday cake from a friend. I never had any since my form years. My dad often said that all our birthday's fall on the time out family are going through a crisis. Thanks to my housemates for the coffeebean and Jack Daniels choc and my classmates for the wallet and card. ^^

Upthere was a collection of wishes from my friends. I thank you all ^^

I thank those who smsed me as well, called up and one who sang for me on the phone :')

I thank Victor, Cindy, Yu Hua and Vianna for the surprise they gave me. It was my first birthday cake ^^ First time celebrating with a small number of friends. ^^

Thanks Siau Koon for the b'day gift also. Mister potato XD its d only one i get this year ^^

Happy and God knows how many times i teared.

:)

Another year went by and now im 22 years old. So much to say, so much to think. It's a long journey that i have made and finally adulthood. How much have a accompalish? How much have i failed and defeated? How good or bad have i been? It's debatable and what i claim myself may not be what other people think but does it matter? A mixture of feelings floats around these days until today. Tonight. The last year when i was 21. Since then, i can say its the beginning of problems and...i must say i have been very unhappy most of the time.

How have i been? A lot of changes takes place during the past one year. Emotional and well... just the way i have been on and off. Been trying my best at that age but i seem to flunk a lot of things. It was probably a hard year with the blade cutting through my heart almost everyday. A lot of unfairness too and well... maybe life just isn't for everyone. I have... to some extent improve myself but other aspects destroyed myself too.

I guess one of the changes that occured to me was family values. I used to get away as far as possible from them but now.. time changed how people behave. Family had become an important asset to me and i do hope that i have a chance to pay them back lavishly. I hoped to save enough money to bring them to travel and eat good food. My family.. had been in a poor state for 11 years. Hard life i go true and its true to say that no one would understand how bad it is. Earn a day, live a day. Being the eldest, my role will come soon. Though i've lived through a hard life where i guess i dun even have a teen or childhood life. I don't really blame that but am proud. Although some traumatic experience made the unhappy me of what i am now.

Maturity comes a long when we had bad experiences and troubles. It's hard to measure how mature we've become because different people just view it differently. I had my mature n imature times. Just behave differently to different time.

Love and relationships? I think i have been a failure in one circle and now i don't think i have a circle now. Do i really have friends? I do have some but the feelings is...maybe i just expect too much. I envy , i am jealous at times but i have to constantly remind myself some things. It's just a different world i am living in. Love story... well. i can only give a tear and smile for it. :) Friendship. Just let things go by. Afterall....maybe life isn't for everyone

But along the way when im down. I do manage to have some virtual friends that.. maybe made me happy. I don't i really am but... it's better than nothing. However.... well im quite contradicting...

How bad have i been? God knows and i do know i deserved to be punished.

the 22nd year of my life is approaching. There is just so much that i want and need. Expect and reject. Hard to be satisfied i guess. HUman nature.I don't have anything so i think i have the right to chase what i want? Sounds a bit selfish or mean tho. I just want to be happy and i didn't even harm anyone. :(

Like the many years i went through. I hope some things and change things. I hope i can forget. Cos i just remember too much. the unhappiness and hatred and anger. So many things in my heart. I wish i can let go one by one. ANother thing i hope is happiness. To be better than everyone and most importantly myself. Other wishes are just hard to get. Use to believe a sincere heart gets a good blessing but....

Guess today is just another normal day to go by. ^^ Like yesterday and today and tomorrow. It's hardly been a special and memorable time. Just live and wish ^^.I don't know.*shrugs* I just hope i can be happy and not disappoint and let down myself.

Louis Louis Louis. 22. your 22!!!! And ...

I felt like crying now. T_T

'Don't punish yourself with others' mistakes'

i got this quote from blog i read. It's true. And i hate it when i realize it. Cos i think that's what i always did. Punishing myself for mistakes that i didn't make. What a fool i am. And just when we started to defend. People will say "he's just defending himself" =_=

I always take blames and stuff that weren't mine. Why am i like that???