Jewel & Sapphire™

The lousiest night i got ever in my life... a super duper slap.... i hate myself so much....

29th Feb, end of the month and end of a part of my worries. Done with two assignments and exams. Feel relaxed but yet worred... Argh its a great day to rest the following two days... Going to be bz bz too fixin my academic stuffs again.

Just today i had a walk with my friends and well was kinda ouchy...when my friend told me something bout my ....... character? Well i was happy to know that but then was also disappointed with myself... no wonder...XXX. Anyway, thanks and sorry...

Well never mind tho... i dun mind...Hm ~

Think....

Thinking...

Thought....

Hm ~ my brain never stops working...

the only moment it was in peace mode is when i was lying on a close friends shoulder...haha... the peaceful moment was there once and i can never find it again...

i read a friends nick saying " why am i always on my own, hugging my knees and trembling..."... sigh...

da da da di da dee~

Jealous... just jealous but well...

dum dum dum...

sigh . . . im just silly....

ouch ouch ouch...

today i zipped my tummy flesh... that was really painful...

du du du~

Don't worry, be happy ^^

Maybe it's just my fate... but i'm working to change it...

I'm having sleeping difficulties lately... argh... don't know what happened but well i hope it would be cured soon... It's a pain to stare the ceiling when you're suppose to sleep.... sigh...

It's the 8th week tomorrow le... and i think i've been giving myself a lot of pressure late. On the happy side...i manage to do well as in im still on the right track... on the ugly side... i lagged behind in some senses.... argh... a busy week ahead...LOUIS!!!!!!!!!! Gambate!!!!!!!!

There are some things that i realize when chatting with a friend. It may be too late but well, it is one thing i must do now or else... i would just waste away my youth like that...

1)I must live a HAPPIER life that others regardless of what circumstances...
2)I must academically (XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX)It's a bit unright with the wrong motivation but well... at least it helps.... ><
3)Don't give a damn on (XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX)... a question... why let my life be hindered with things that may stop you from being happy and successful?
4)To keep in mind to stop being jealous... jealousy is the root of all evil
5)Under any circumstances...never give up or show signs of giving up or losing...
6)It may be too late to turn back but it's never too late to change the future...
7)Have faith...
8)Keep in mind that every individual has a different life... life is a challenge and life is always depressing... good things will come one day...
9)Don't EVER BOTHER but other people... It's their fault, not yours...

Things i thought for a moment... been thinking too much again...T_T. Jia You Louis, i can do it....!

It's a sour night when someone you need is away when you need them... haha guess i had to forget bout it and re-focus them on my studies. Wonder what happened as the sms looks in a rush and troubled. Hope things are fine for her... Tomorrow is my first mid term this sem. Hope i will do well ^^... well i better do it well or else i better die...

*sigh.. it worries a lot this night my dearest friend if you are reading it no matter where you are... haha... *

It's all because of you,
I'm feeling sad and blue
You went away,
Now my life is just a rainy day and I love you so,
How much you'll never know
You've gone away and left me lonely.


Untouchable memories
Seem to keep haunting me
Another love so true,
That once turned all my gray skies blue
But you disappeared,
Now my eyes are filled with tears
And I'm wishing you were here
With me soaked with love all my thoughts of you
Now that you're gone I just don't know what to do
If only you were here,
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine,
Once again you'll be mine all mine
But in reality, you and I will never be cos
You took your love away from me.


Chorus
Girl, I don't know what I did to make you leave me
But what I do know is
That since you've been gone there's such an emptiness inside,
I'm wishing you to come back to me.


If only you were here,
You'd wash away my tears
The sun would shine,
Once again you'll be mine all mine
But in reality,
You and I will never be cos
You took your love away from me.
Oh -- Baby you took your love away from me.

I once put a nick saying Life is fair... i'm just unlucky... but my friend refuted and said that life indeed is unfair...and to think of it... yeah i have no choice but to admit how i feel now... sometimes i felt that ... nah... i think too much.

classics re-sung ^^

I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Remembering those happy spring days
But tonight I'm all alone
I look up when I walk
Counting the stars with tearful eyes
Remembering those happy summer days
But tonight I'm all alone
Happiness lies beyond the clouds
Happiness lies above the sky
I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Though my heart is filled with sorrow *
For tonight I'm all alone
(whistling) (whistling)
Remembering those happy autumn days
But tonight I'm all alone
Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars
Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon
I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Though my heart is filled with sorrow *
For tonight I'm all alone
(whistling) (whistling)

T_T. . . what the hell happened. . . why does this problem happen? Is it my fault for being careless or what? Haih ~ Going broke and it's only the 19th of feb. 10 days to go before i'll be saved... / Why must i think so much? Louis Louis... just give yourself sometime ba... Things will be fine, things will be alright. Everyone has their own problem... the suffering is only temporary...a challenge to face future bravely... aih aih aih... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! I felt so fragile and weak now... feeling so down and heavy...:(


WHEN WILL MY PROBLEM END!!!! WHEN WILL OUR PROBLEMS END!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEARS AND WE'RE AND WE'VE BEEN STRUGGLING... WHAT SIN HAVE WE OR I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??? I'M NOT BAD, DIDN'T HARM AND . . . so freaking tired...T_T

Sleeping is the best cure for now... T_T

Koreans ~ creative and cool~ love em ^^

Last years Valentine was great. I remember every detail of the naive and mon cha cha Louis then. It's a surprise that how time flies and that one year just went away like that. This year's V Day... nothing special to do that day but the night before was great and sweet. Nothing much happened but it was meaningful to me and that i changed a lot.

Day after of V Day was well great for me too... another day i almost wanted to cry but i force myself not to for the sake of my roles and responsibilities... i really want to thank that person for being there for me.. and most importantly... things are getting better..

^^ >< T_T

Had great fun a summit and sunway last month. There De You, Fung and our beloved Utar idol, Kia Huey...

The most expensive dinner and night i ever had.

These are what i ate during the past few weeks when i went out with my housemates...My fav is probably the Nasi lemak at paramount and claypot chicken rice also somewhere at paramount. The wanton mee is not as good as those made in sarawak while the other where i forgot what its called... not so delicious....

My first ever sweet dream... resulted from buying a rm17 bolster for me to hug till i sleep. Love it and ita a good investment. Hehe ~

I don't want to let my past control me... tho i am a product of it...
I don't want to be a prisoner of my past... i hate it...
i don't want to be controlled by people's opinions...
I don't want to waste my life...

Why escape when you can face things, when you can change things?
Everything happens for a reason... with courage i believe you can undertake things...
Whats the point of hating when you will become one of them???

I'm always on the move for a change... God knows how many changes that i've made throughtout my time... some good... mostly worse... but things do get better at times. There are however certain habits that are difficult or just refuse to change no matter what i do. Maybe i just lack some support for the change...

Jump into my kindergarden years~
I DO NOT KNOW WHY THE HELL I REMEMBER A LOT... i still remember those awful things and worse i'm blogging it out which makes me even remember more... T_T somehow these things just stay... maybe i remember them so that i wont let it happen to my children? haha... i don't know. that time i was in a malay kindergarden and i was the only chinese there. Racism was around and there was simply a communication barrier... some bad memories still stuck in me... where some kid broke my transformer toy... and some quite embarassing moments. Haih T_T they are some traumatic ones that stay hidden in me... it may seem nothing or just cute to some people... but unless you too felt it... it wont be the same...

primary/childhood years ~

I hate em, despise them. Sometimes i wonder do i ever have one. Being restricted to go out and simply confined at home.I never been to a friends party until Form 5 where i had my first BBQ and a memorable one. There are a lot of ugly things in my childhood... i basically didn't smile much and was merely a tool or laughing stock. Bestfriends? I doubt. It seems that those time that when you have "something" you will have best friends. I was bullied and confined in a Pajero with fear every morning i go to school and when i go back. My fear was there and now it turned into so much hatred... am i so vengeful? another friend of mine was also a victim. both of us had an urge to make him suffer. The time when i was most naughty i guess was primary 4, sat with some guy and always making a lot of noises. sometimes i wonder why is it that i am always in the worst class.Perhaps the only sweet of funny memory that held with me was my first kiss in primary one? it's on the cheeks tho and it was sorta "asked" by this bully in a car. I dun knw, its weird... that girl left CHMS in primary four to be exact and i wonder where is she now. I wrote a poem for her last year where she suddenly appeared in my dream. Hope she is well and happy. Another was a puppy love towards a classmate in pri 2 or 4.. i think its 4. found her contacts last year but she only replied my email twice. haha... shes doing medicine now. Primary days... i don't know... sometimes i think im matured faster than those kids. I was a hardcore reader in primary 4 or 5 too. goosebumps and fear street... i read a hell lot those days.hm~ i also remembered i was punched on the nose when i was in pri 6. Whatever happen those time... it was not really happy. suffer a lot too... being the eldest son... was beaten a lot by my mum.haha... pri 5 was not a good time....again... it was just something that dragged and ruined my life...

secondary years...
I too hate it...again a laughing tool for 5 years and those years i was just like a fool. however.. i din knw if it was karma... i gained positive support from teachers and well was successful in a way. i remembered i cheated once in form 5 and i confessed. got suspended and again it was a terrible time for my parents. i sjust tarnished my image... but many still trust me... honesty is the best policy among them... i don't know... sigh.. why is my life always so sad, there is nothing happy that i could remember... the only solace was music and books. Good friends i have a few.. and im glad to have them still... tho most times they wallop me. still a laughing stock but i dun mind...

college years...
it is yet another awful time but i decided to keep it high profile. those who knows.. knows... guess im just unlucky??? god knws... but i do have fault too but then hey... i really memang tak tahan leh... Leong if u are reading this.it's the time when novel was around too and of course you know what i fear.. haha... lord im so naive then. but well let bygones be bygones... i was still young then... i don't know what i enjoyed most that time but my time in Literature class was the best and geography as well. and those lunch times b4 history class where i often chatted with my friends.

university life...
a very depressing moment where it almost drive me to suicide...seriously. but thank god i didn't.... many things happen. happy days are lost n short lived but one thing i appreciate is the lessons i learn and how drastic i've grown to be. i learned a word to describe me and i wish i wasnt...melanchonic... sigh. whtever happens... i hate it.. but i dun really knw whts d cause... selfishness and self-excitement? i never meant any harm tho. It was this time i realize the ugly side of humans. people can be so disgusting mentally and this brought me to the real world. Must we be cruel to be successful?

I don't know... i just know that i din enjoyed more than i suppose to enjoy. right now at least i have a vision of what i really wanted. to earn it will be tough but well there is no one to care for everyone is thinking bout themselves. it's not wrong to be selfish... if we keep on thinkin bout other ppl ... wht do we have for ourselves rite?

1.5 years to go... and sometimes i wonder if it is too late for me to do somethings. but well no use thinkin bout it so i've been starting since the year begins. some chances only come once, never twice. academic is one aspect and i didn't had a good start. but now well i can only do my best. one thing im proud of i guess is that i finally know what i want and need. Financial is always another problem... but my parents assured me these words... " if we can send you to kl to study, means we can fund ur expenses. do not worry about wht is happening at home, u think too much. you just study hard and play your role". i played too late.... but i wont give up...
well im working part time now... tho its stressful but well hardwork always lead you to somewhere else. Love... it was painful yet happy. I never thought i would be so........ but sigh... let time decide whats there. the only thing i can do is to assure myself and the person im loving that i can do it... and i will do it! friends... maybe good ones only exist in my mind where msn is the only medium i had. skills... always improving... i'll never stop... religion... my idea changed drastically... i dun knw wht happen...haha...

i wish i can forget some hateful thoughts. its always the same story... maybe there is injustice? but then whts the point of gettin justice back? maybe its best left aside. as long as i know that i am right or what... it's okay? maybe the world is simply like this... and i do get disappointed with human nature... but well if the world is always a lie around... let those lies be happy ones and never found...

SIgh~ MeLaNcHoNiC lOuIs...i dun knw why it is so painful to blog this out. my blog has been gettin emotional a lot. i wish there is some place i can go and hide or simple a place for me to be disconnected from those problems.. but still im mentally attached...


To know what is happiness,
we need to know what is sadness,
to know how to appreciate,
we need to lose...
but will we be given the chance to appreciate again for what we lost?

Whatever is going in my mind... i HATE it so much. I don't know if i am sad, angry or happy but i'm just confused. Sigh ~ a terrible week i had ...

SAT nite now... tomorrow going to the temple which i thought i would never go again... well just go there and pray and ask for blessing...

Shania Twain - You're still the one

Richard Clayderman - Ballade pour Adeline

julio iglesias ,dolly parton-when you tell me that you love

Dan Hill - Sometimes When We Touch


Dedicated to that someone i loved dearly in my heart . . .

The Perishers - sway


Travis - side / why does it always rain on me?

What's a promise?
Like the strings on a violin,
When you break it...
It'll never play good music...

There is no promise ...
but only faith and trust...
but there is one promise we had since birth...
and that promise is death...

Inspired by bits of works i read...

It's Sat morning and it's my first time not a home for chinese new year. Was really sad not to be there but well guess im just unlucky. This whole week i've been productive tho... sorting my notes and assignments. It will be an academically fruitful year for me.

Wed i did attempt to go to my aunts place but then, the KTM at Midvalley was freaking packed.Full of foreigners. Second day lesser a bit but still packed. Was there from noon till night time. It was a bit awkward for me when i was there. Sigh ~ their house was great... even the toilet was so high tech that you could eat n sleep in there. haha...

Tomorrow will be going to Temple with housemate. Pray pray? I don't know, just visiting and see how things goes.

These few nights had been lonesome and awful.But this morning i had a weird dream. Dreamt that i had a beautiful daughter out of nowhere. Hehe... I think i muz have been affected by my baby cousin. katlyn... she is so cute. Lol, it will be another half a decade plus till i become a daddy.haha...

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just took a break and cook my breakfast. Had fried rice with carrots and beans in it. ><
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Sigh ~ What else would be coming up in life when uni reopens again? A lot of things to meddle with. . . Somethings that are in me are missing as well... will it come back again???

Currently I'm using a Nokia 3120 which i bought before coming to KL one and a half year ago. This baby of mine suffered a lot where i drop it a hell lot of times.while running, jumping and even walking. Thank God Nokia was made for durability but yet it too has its limits. My cover was scratched like wtf... ( well blame me cos im very rough and so careless) and there is something wrong with the audio output. Well i'm planning to get a new mobile by April or May. Saving up $$ then get what i want.

I'm not aftering those with highly cutting edge features that costs a lot but well a decent one for me is enough and this time with a camera. Been sniffing around doing research and so far there four models appeal me. Motorola V3i/colours, Motorola V3x and Alcatel OT C825. Yes Alcatel and i doubt if anyone heard of it or even knows it exists. It's an old company tho.

I'll be comparing them here and well hopefully you reading this will vote or suggest me anything. Nope i won't be aftering Nokia or S.E. Yes they are good but well not my type...

Well below here are some of the pics of the camera that i would love to have by May something and the links are where you can find the specs.

http://www.mobile88.com/mobilegallery/specification.asp?phone=alcatel_ot_c825&pg=spec&prodid=20572&cat=9

http://www.mobile88.com/mobilegallery/specification.asp?phone=motorola_v3x_/_v1150&pg=spec&prodid=731&cat=3

http://www.mobile88.com/mobilegallery/preview.asp?spec=motorola_v3i&prodid=868&cat=3&path=40,3

Now the comparisons according to my needs~

Designs
Motorola has a futuristic design on the exterior and it gives me a WOW feeling while Alcatel looks dull a bit but because it gives me a leather feeling (not real leather but chrome made actually) and i like leather too... I've always wanted a clamshell phone but i don't know would a slide one be suitable. The interior design of Motorola for me is erm... futuristic but then not my type. Alcatel... well the keypads lights are sorta uneven but the keypads itself is good. I'm undecisive between these two brands. Furthermore not many people owns an Alcatel so having one make me "special" a bit. . . haha...

Camera
Motorola V3i - 1.2 / Vx 2.0 / Alcatel 1.3

Vx rules with Macro mode, Night mode and flash while others don't have.

Hm ~ so far i think these are the only differences i can spot. Others are okay tho... Now i just don't know which to choose. There has been a rumour that Motorola will be stopping it's mobile production and well Alcatel... i only know Summit near Sunway sells them. Where else can i find them? Any hope u guys can leave me some comments...

I feeel so gay listening to those old men singing. Haha ~ They rock a lot!

I've been home alone for a few days now. It's peaceful yet disturbing.I've started to think too much again... sigh. In addition my heart has been sort of "neutral" as if nothing around me exists... Peaceful yet painful...

What am i feeling now...

yuleJaos . . . hwne i olok ta ym rfidnse glob dna ese who phapy ythe rea...

htaw od i vhae? thnogin... who i shiw mi sa phapy sa emth...

tbu tthas ym atfe... tujs develi thwi it ~ ed phapy thwi wath i veha...

SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

Currently im working part time at ss2 every wednesday from 9 to 5 or 7 plus if got OT. Job was okay and its good compared if i were to waste my time at home facing my pc everyday day. Just lately my friend suggested me another job where i work from 12 to 9 as a promoter. thats rm70 per day and the pay was good. I wud hav to work on sats and sundays then. AND if i really take it... HELL i'm gonna be dead tired and compacted. There will simply be no time for me to rest or anything... maybe i consider it on march or april. there is just too much too handle at the moment. Assignments and all. Let time decide in the future la... sigh...

I wanted to be like you
I wanted everything
So I tried to be like you
And I got swept away

I didn't know that it was so cold
And you needed someone
to show you the way
So I took your hand and we figured out
That when the tide comes
I'd take you away

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

I'm sinking slowly
So hurry hold me
Your hand is all I have to keep me hanging on
Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

All you wanted was somebody who cares
If you need me you know I'll be there
Oh, yeah

If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares

Please can you tell me
So I can finally see
Where you go when you're gone


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A song i've been listening for quite some time...

Everyone went back to CNY. I'm stuck here in KL. Juz cook pork chop for dinner... wasn't that good cos i didn't cooked for quite some time...

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Leave me alone please... Mind your own business and let other people's life run...

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Tomorrow OT. Phew ~ Payday is coming soon.... Rawr....!