Jewel & Sapphire™

Can't sleep. might as well blog it out since that someone wasnt around for me :(
I don't know whats in it for me today. I just felt terrible and horrible. Maybe its just not my day? I don't know. Somehow today i just know things... well days ago i knew somethings which is kinda hurtful. It wasnt any of my problem but then its a friend and i do care a lot. Today adds another news which i heard. Kinda hurt that it happened to my friends that i really care a lot. Why? Why? Why? Why does it happens? I wish i can do something to mend it.

I don't understand why it happened. Am i suppose to understand it? Lately the days don't feel right. Even i can felt it. Over sensitivity? I don't know. It sucks and i beginning to feel the pain. Don't even know where went wrong? Academics? Family? It was stressful indeed.

Assume that this happens or if it was just my sensitivity. If im wrong, im wrong. . . Erm... dunno how to put it in words. Kinda difficult but isn't it that if you tend to avoid things it tends to go wrong? Things were okay but fear eventually make things wrong. Somehow doing either things make things wrong. It's just that more ppl get hurt.

I don't know what i see or hear but hell i wish i can shut off and leave a peacefull life. . .

Why do i have to know things last? It sucks when... no it HURTS when "eh, you dunno meh? " and "eh. i tot you know"

WHY WHY AM I IN THIS MISERABLE STATE???

EVERYDAY IS A TORTURE. T_T

I did try to be open... i tried everything...

I wasnt really okay today. Woke up with a restless heart. Carries on till i was so super happy that i found my pendrive after a month. XD In one of my shirt and i think it went into the washing machine. glad it was still okay. the rest of the day is more painful with unknown reasons....

I'm very restless today. SInce i woke up till i jump into the swimming pool in the afternoon. DOne only one thing today. Cleaned my room and removed my bed stand. From now on i be sleeping on the floor lo ~

People Envy Your Compassion

You have a kind heart and an unusual empathy for all living creatures. You tend to absorb others' happiness and pain. People envy your compassion, and more importantly, the connections it helps you build. And compassionate as you are, you feel for them.

Had wat tan hor at Upekka today. Claimed by many friends of mine to be DELICIOUS! But to my disappointment i couldn't find any feel in it. Another had a home made burger. May try it next time...

A message to those...

Who speak behind my back. XXXX You. Well i don't really mind if you speak behind me but may at least USE UR LOGIC OF UNDERSTANDING. But then... do these people have logic at all?

Somehow it does hurt when you hear something that is not true. Who doesn't? And please to some people if you think you are one of them. Can you stop asking people things that are not of your concern? You are destroying lives and making people unhappy if you didn't know. Not mine but someone else that i cared. Which eventually affects me... and us...

Had a quarrel with someone when the real fault wasn't even us!

Sigh.

What Louis Wong Jau Yn Means

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow. You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily. Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is. You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life. You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you. At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself. You are a very lucky person. Things just always seem to go your way. And because you're so lucky, you don't really have a lot of worries. You just hope for the best in life. You're sometimes a little guilty of being greedy. Spread your luck around a little to people who need it. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are very charming... dangerously so. You have the potential to break a lot of hearts. You know how what you want, how to get it, and that you will get it. You have the power to rule the world. Let's hope you're a benevolent dictator! You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are deeply philosophical and thoughtful. You tend to analyze every aspect of your life. You are intuitive, brilliant, and quite introverted. You value your time alone. Often times, you are grumpy with other people. You don't appreciate them trying to interfere in your affairs. You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you. You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries. You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

You Are 34% Selfish

In general, you are a very giving person who treats others very well. But at times, you insist on getting your way - when it matters most to you.

Let those people decide...

What An Iris Says About You

You are incredibly hopeful and courageous. Even when you've been challenged in life, you have faith that everything will work out. Your feelings run deep, and you are a very grateful person.

Yes, i have faith... especially towards someone... but does she have them for me? :(

Su Lin Jie treated us Big Apple last night. It was delicious. Liked coffee, mango and the one with peanut fillings inside. :) Lovely. Just made a photo frame card for my dear friends too. :)

I went for a voluntary work today at Sentosa carpark there. Helping out for an event tonight. It was about this school that had been unfairly closed and for 8 years they are fighting to re open the school. 30 students were left and they are forced to study in a temple. Yup. it was a temple. Studying by Gods side. Haha. It was hard work. Went home early. body was in pain here and there. OOOCH. I take it as an exercise there. :) At least its better than staying at home thinkin too much and playing dota. Do good is fun too.

Title : Bon Odori Festival 2008
Venue : Panasonic Sports Complex (formerly Matsushita Centre)
Lot 4, Persiaran Perkilangan, Seksyen 21
Shah Alam,Selangor
Date & Time : Sat 12 Jul 2008 (7pm onwards)
Tickets : Free Admission
Phone : 03-2274 2274 (Japan Club of KL)
Synopsis : The Bon Festival is a Japanese Buddhist custom which is held annually to honour the deceased spirits of one's ancestors. It is meant to be a joyful celebration, bringing families together, and celebrating rather than mourning the lives of the dearly departed.

The Bon Odori Festival has been a fixture here in Malaysia for the last 30 odd years, and is more a festival of Japanese culture, with Japanese dances - including the traditional Bon Odori, danced specially for this occassion - music, food and lots more, presented throughout the evening.

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Bon Odori. I missed you since last year. The great atmosphere you gave me, its coming again soon. Many thanks to Poh Yee who bring me there last year. This im going again no matter what. Even if i had to go alone again. Once a year journey. Maybe the only time im the most HIGH and Happy mood. XD

the issue of bully was brought up when one asked me why am i so serious... and later she ask "are you timid" then?

................................................................

Sigh.

Well how to you expect a victim to speak up? whats more with threats??? Im only primary then and owez kena bully and .. and... how do you expect a child like that to speak up??

"will you take revenge?"

revenge? i don't mind if that person i hate dir in front of me and ask for help. I think i may laugh with a icy cold heart. call me heartless. But do you think what the bully had done to me is light? the consequence of the me now. the trauma i CANNOT FORGET. the fucking fear that i had that made what am i now. DO YOU THINK I CAN FORGET JUST LIKE THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO.

But i can put aside those memories...

I wont take revenge... cos wont i just be like him? revenge is a waste of time. hurting urself more and engulfed in this sorta hate. not worth at all.

GARY OYAU BREK

If i get the name right. I hope you get what you deserve for making what i am to be now.

They say Hating is a painful feeling. indeed it is.

Just wake up from my nap. A long one and i felt better now after that sorrowful trauma switch. T_T behave much juz like dororo. T_T . My neck is kinda ooch now. I cant turn left. T___T. off to cook my dinner now...

It was wednesday today. It just rained outside lightly. I remember once someone said that when it rains, its a good thing. Not sure bout that but i don't see anything well today.

I wonder what happened today. I don't really felt good. It was painful day that i don't understand and soon all pains that im trying to forget came back bullying me again. T_T. I shared my feelings to a dear friend and i didn't know she did came for me. Felt guilty for making her stood there and wait. It was when i decided that i want to talk she walked away. Worse is i somehow .... just make things worse. Spoiled her day i guess. Anyway im suffering now whilst typing this blog. Hate this feeling.

Felt really useless that why i must behave this way. Is it because the pain that once tore me is too immense? Was in small tears again today. Is it the environment?? what i see and so the things just trigger?

What is it? Guilt, fear, anger or what? No one wants to be unhappy. I'm trying to be open-minded... im trying my best to smile but trying seems to be a failure. Indeed things had changed. To remind of the so called "happy" past makes me hurt. I do know that what must be done and had to be done. i have someone to support me to heal n take time. but how long must it take? it seems that certain things are too "evil" to forget off.

Still i pained once in a while. Even the laughter and smiles seem to be a pain. Why? Cos sometimes i felt like an accidently slaughtered goat and revived back without saying sorry! There some parts maybe i deserve a slap but things have gone too far at certain points in life.

How many ass would take the guts to speak up and face terrors? I did the impossible. The idiocy. People walking around as if they never do wrong, thinking they are INNOCENT. WTF. Whats more is this quote that i remember n i detest a lot. " can't believe that in this world got this kind of people"

WTF. WHO ARE YOU??? WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE??? Having ask that question? Why am i to be sad that i must go though this miserable suffering when it was just some bitch that said it???

Lots of things went to my mind. Hate it a lot. How much longer need i suffer to get rid of it????

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Again i am to face some things in the future. Some facts that i hope i can accept without pains. It is painful indeed but i hope it will change.