Jewel & Sapphire™

Bloody hell. reformatting my pc again. ARGH!!!!

I had a dream not long ago where i found out things by accident from someone i trust a lot. Somehow did it come true or ahve i just been thinking too much? It really hurts. I don't seem to understand what am i typing or am thinking. It's just that i felt that i was lied on???? Things were okay for me these few days and i disregard my nightmare but... why did it happened?

Yea it sure hurts if one has been lied or something. Maybe i guess i deserved it. But then again the thought just doesn't sound logic. I felt avoided and yet i too felt like a malicious stalker which is sick. I just don't understand why..why ... WHY????

I rather get smacked with the truth and face the pain than ...

Im so confused now. felt like dying.what the hell is wrong with me now? why the hell is it happening...

I hope i am just thinking tooo much. Yes maybe. I hope. Stilll it hurts. Fuck.

Hope i just forget it. Act stupid. Well being stupid is better. No need to think so far. what the hell... sigh... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Out biting here and there at Ss2 night market. Had a lo han guo, yam bread, taiwan pizza, hearbal tea egg and a china burger. XD

I felt a tremor a while a go. Shooked a few times. tot i was not balanced but shouts from my neighbour came and siaukoon asked me if i felt anything shaking cos she thinks she was just dizzy. Haha... could be tremors from China or sumwhere else. Sigh...

Love,
once broken,
is like a crack in the mirror.

Shattered. Never the same again.
The sharp pains, haunting me everynight.
Leaving me in tears... endless tears...

I see myself in tears when i look at the broken mirror.
Glueing it back wont make things right...because..
you will see an incomplete person there...
lost...
lost....
lost...

I don't wish to throw it away,
Nor i wish to keep it.
Why not see the mirror as how it was once beautiful?
instead of looking whats destroyed...

Would cutting myself with the mirror change anything?
Throwing it away or buying a new one?
No ...

Why not... take a fragment of the mirror,
there you see a complete self...
throw the rest away..

Yes there is a solution,
yes there is a possibility,
but ....
but...
but...

Would she take the risk?
the oppourtunity to give each other a chance?

It hurts.. hurts... hurts...
for sometimes a reborn is too late...
and we wish we would just die and fade away...
but that would be stupidity...

drowned and haunted by that i could have done,
but why don't people just understand?

why is it too late when one had finally changed?
Rome was not built in a day
so is my courage...

I can only blame my slowness...
the pain just grows...
what can be done?

There is a pain behind those smiles i see in the mirror...

with tears...
i end.

i had a furious dream that hurts... it's when someone you trust hides something from you for a long time. And you find it out by accident instead of the person tellin you. Or maybe you wasnt suppose to know anyway... it's a bloody hell dream.

X f0rg0tten realms X

updates:

Juz cut myself in the kitchin and it keeps bleeding. keep keep bleeding..

I got six mosquito bites on my right arm and three on the left. Didn't count those on my legs yet. Had it last night when i think my roomate forgot to switch on the aircond and close d window???

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A bestfriend of mine broke up after a year plus relationship. I was the first to know since im so close to her. She was rather confused and guess i know how it feels since i went through it before and i still feel the pains now tho. What made me felt more painful was the things she said. Well firstly i don't know whts the reason for them but it seems that guys are stereotyped in a way tho i agree majority of the boy are almost the same.

Well first was that she was disappointed and "opened her eyes" to how guys see girls and the second was that she will "find it hard to trust guys again". It was also a blow to me cos... well the first statement was okay but the second statement hurts me a lot now... which is why no wonder.... there's some sort of problem. In a ways its an unfair statement but then... sigh... im confused myself now. Guess my friend's pain infected me and become my pain too.

:(

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Sometimes i seem to make wrong decisions to hastily and frequently. Certified stupid. At times... im just a monster. I deserve a punishment on what i did...

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Not getting anywhere thinner since i didn't skip my meals...

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Semester is going to start in a weeks time. What am i afraid of?

You cannot belive how sadistically beautiful is this song. Went to tears listening it. Thanks to Chivalry Amulet aka Mei Lin for sendin me this song.

A miserable feeling..

Lost. Trapped. Confused. Haunted. Sad. No one to share with. Where are you? :(

Saw my youngerbrother online at 1 am. Surprised that he was on cos i rarely see him. I asked him what he is up to. Said just came back from work.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was like... what??? andi asked him what he do... said...

Washing plates and waiter....

!!!!!!!!!!!

I felt so sad and guilty hearing it. His studies wasn't even good and he was there... working. Felt sad that... there is nothing i can do... Sigh. Din do well in studies... still .... sigh.... too much...

Where is Miss Green Apple? If you read this... do gimme a call please. Missed you so much. Call me anytime. I be awake by even 8 am to wait... i did called. Phone did rang. but no one answers. Phone stolen or in shop ? T_T Do ring me up from ur home or contact me...

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. It's a horrible holiday.

Alone tonight. Housemates went somewhere n im stuck here. had a bite of "apam balik" in d mornin, dumplings for lunch n oranges. i loveeeeeeee dumplings. And i had porridge and pumpkin. Spend so much time in cook. I do enjoy it XD. Again i forgot to switch on my rice cooker.... grrrr

While i was walking at the park... climbing the slope and..........I FELL. O U C H and it H U R T S!!!!!!!!! both my hands, arm and legs were.....UGH! It's been too long i didn't fell the sensation of pain...T_T

Sometimes when you need someone... they are not there... it hurts..
slowly if it happens to much... you had to learn to be independent... to be strong to resist the feeling...

When someone needs you... well the feeling is great... but then depends who is it... sometimes when someone needs you too much... you become attached too. but then it depends again...

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Lots of things im going to learn...endure... accept and face. Is it not that the world is full of resources? maybe ...yeah... just maybe...

if only we don't have to choose some things we may have hard time to choose and to choose when we need too...

Missing someone. . . T_T

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Tomorrow i will be haing my last supp paper. Language learning and teaching. It was an interesting subject that i don't expect to fail... well i got D tho but D is a fail to my standards and F is... degrading to me.

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Next semester is coming soon. I promise my mum i will do well. Cos i booked the ticket home and back ady. YAY!!! No worries for now... i hope. Another good start i hope that i will conquer and not fall halfway. The "Be Happy" book mark is there to cheer me up :) thanks to you buddy.

It was a hard time during the holidays. So bored. Housemates returned. They had to take supp too...

signing off for to nite. Hearts to the stars.

taken during our MMS exam. Well before to be exact. XD. Going off to uni now and paying my 3 month bills which is overdued ><. then goin to uni doin my stuffie as well. Ladies and gentlemen, ever wonder how much potential you have when you finally broke free from your "chains"? ever wonder much time you wasted when you could have been someone now? I did. Haha. Tot of writing a book bout GO with collobation w xin wen and BIGOS. Even tho there are a lot of info on wikipedia and online but having a book published would give easier access to the people. Readin a book is much more better than readin it from the screen right? Well after from uni, i'll start a side proposal with this future project. Man, Voon been to korea and taiwan FREE liaw. So regret that i did't learn it when he nagged me to do so T_T... could have be an intermediate or advance player. Muahaha. In my dreams. . .

This was a birthday gift that i adored very much given by Mandy and Li Zhao... dun remember who else shared but thanks!!!!!! one year is comin soon n i felt the poster wast just put up yesterday :) the colour is fading... but the happiness is still there :) thanks mandy and li zhao.